Are your hormones getting the best of you? Does everything piss you off lately? Then maybe you just need some meditation



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Breast Cancer Awareness Month Save the Tatas Ladies

October is breast cancer awareness month. My mom is a 45-year survivor. I also have friends who are survivors and those who are fighting this disease.

Self Examination is a screening method used in an attempt to detect early breast cancer. The method involves the woman herself looking at and feeling each breast for possible lumps, distortions or swelling.

This is promoted as a means of finding cancer at a more curable stage, but large randomized controlled studies found that it was not effective in preventing death, and actually caused harm through needless biopsies, surgery, and anxiety. Breast awareness is an informal alternative to structured breast self-examinations.

  A pictorial example of breast self-examination in six steps. Steps 1-3 involve inspection of the breast with the arms hanging next to the body, behind the head and in the side. Step 4 is palpation of the breast. Step 5 is palpation of the nipple. Step 6 is palpation of the breast while lying down.

It is important in the peri and menopausal years that we continue with regular breast self-examinations ladies and remember to schedule yearly mammograms.
This should be done monthly, not just once a year in October.

Keep Calm pic from Pinterest
Breast Self Exam Wikipedia

This Blog Is For Entertainment Only

If you are reading here for the first time I assume you are curious about this time of life or maybe you are experiencing some early menopause symptoms. It is highly unlikely that you found this blog on a site like web-MD or any of the other Internet cyberchondria sites that can be found.

It has been a while since I posted here and after deleting the hundreds of spammy type comments I figured I should jot this down here. I'm not saying that none of this is real because honey, it is all real from every hot flash to every sleepless night. When I first started posting about this time in my life I figured since I couldn't beat it, I can find the humor in it and I might as well write it down.

First, please do not assume this blog as any medical advice. My writings are entertainment. This is a place that I share my own experiences and funny adventures about this phase of life often a daily hormonal rollercoaster of ups and downs.

I am a baby boomer and like many, just like myself, our mothers are not really forthcoming with information. Many moms born in the same era as my mom (the 1940's) generally don't talk about these things. Then there are those like myself who have a mom suffering from dementia or Alzheimers and cannot relate information.

Just in case you were wondering and afraid to ask everything you feel is totally normal. It is supposed to be exactly like it is. It is menopause and women have gone through it for thousands of years. My writings are to let you know that you are not alone. Millions of women are going through this phase in their lives right now as I type this.

I do sometimes mention vitamins and supplements in postings. Keep in mind these are only what I have tried. I am not recommending that you try the same. What works for me, may not work for you or depending on any prescription medication you take may cause a serious interaction. So, please check with your doctor or at least ask a pharmacist.

© 2018 Gossip_GrL 

The Mid-Day Crisis

google image

I am working on a couple of topics to blog about. Until then this is a reposting of an old A-Z post from April 2012 for the letter M. 

Most of us already know that no effort is needed to cause a mid-day crisis. 

The midday crisis is just one of the things about this time in life that reminds of the menopausal hormone roller coaster. On this roller coaster, you don't even have to be this big to be a part of it. This post sort of goes along with, Flirting with forty-something. 

This ladies, is the picture of a mid-day crisis, well mine anyway.

I have to admit that I can have one of these at least several times a day. Is it any wonder though that someone would have a midday crisis? All of the signs, the signals, and the reminders that Mother Nature throws out there on any given day. 

Sometimes just a walk past a mirror can cause one. “Mirror, mirror on the wall, SHUT UP!!” 

Maybe it is just the thought that this process is inevitable. It is something out of our control. Mother Nature is telling me loudly, “You know can't-fool me, fool!” 

I know there is no way I could ever win an argument with her, I can’t even fool her these days. I don't try. I also have those moments that creep up of, “Dear Lord, that parking placard is not that important.”

I wonder if this is the period that the movie stars get to in life and just lose it entirely? They then go through those crazy extreme rituals that become late night infomercials, searching for the Fountain of Youth? Joan Rivers is a very good example. I saw her in a commercial and thought ‘OMG She has had so much surgery she now looks like a ventriloquist dummy.’ 

Ugh, I will pass on plastic keep fighting it all the way. Oil of O’Lay please do not fail me now. A part of life is screaming, “OMG just imagine the discounts you are going to get now” after receiving my AARP card on one birthday. 

Covering my ears I say, “La, La, La, can't hear you. Just shut up!” Signs that reality starts to sink in. 

Why does Mother Nature pick these certain times of the day to send reminders? Does she somehow get amused over the midday crisis? Mine anyway. 

At night, a quiet prayer, “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my shape I’ll keep!” I am often reminded of the wise words of my grandson who when aged seven said, "Awww shoot grandma, you're not old at all. I've seen 'em older." Out of the mouths of wise babes.

pic found @Google Images

©Gossip_Grl 

Trying to Reconnect With This Blog Once Again

Hi, I recently noticed that it has been a while since I blogged here at the Divine Secrets of the Menopausal Sisterhood. Earlier this year I feel and broke my arm. I had to have surgery and some hardware to repair it and then spent approximately 10 weeks in a cast. A few days after this in April my dad was diagnosed with cancer so, at that point, I was undecided about what I was going to do with my blog as I also write another blog,  The Chronicles of Loving a Heroin Addict.

I have decided to try to maintain both of them for now. I ran my posts here through a program and cleaned up the spelling, grammar, and other errors. I also work and take care of my elderly parents which takes up a lot of my time but I need a getaway; a place to laugh again, joke and make wisecracks about this time in my life.

I hope I don't bug friends too much with emails to read a post. Thank you for your patience.

Computers and Aging

A friend sent me this. 

A computer was something on TV, From a science fiction show of note.

A window was something you hated to clean,
A ram, the cousin of a goat.

Meg was the name of a girl you knew,
A gig was a job for the nights

Now they all mean different things And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment, A program a TV show

A cursor used profanity, the keyboard, was a piano.

Memory was something you lost with age,
A CD a bank account

Anyone with a 3-inch floppy prayed no one would find out.

Compress was something you did in a garage, Not something you did to a file.

And if you unzipped anything in public, could put you in jail for a while.

Log On was adding wood to the fire, hard drive a long trip on the road.

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived,
Backup happened to the commode.

A cut was made with a pocket knife,
A paste was done with glue.

A web was what a spider made,
A virus was the flu.

So, I guess I'll stick to pad and paper, And memory in my head.

I hear no one has been killed in a computer crash, If it happens they'll wish they were dead.

~Written By Unknown~

The Menopausal Goddess and Mid Life Crisis

The time comes when you just embrace
your inner goddess!

This is a repost of the 2013 April A-Z Blogging Challenge.  I have chosen to talk about the Menopause Goddess and Mid Life Crisis.

I have reached that time in life and rather than sink into a bed of midlife depression, I have decided to just unleash and embrace my inner menopausal goddess.

Now of course if I had lots of money I could do it in celebrity style with lots of Botox and a permanent smile, but I like to sleep with my eyes closed, ya know!

Since I can't change the whole aging thing, I am just gonna learn to embrace the menopausal goddess inside of me. I appreciate the stars like Lisa Rinna because I can now be confident that adult diapers won't show through my clothes.

Doctors say that Kegels are as important to older women as the Heimlich and become as routine as cleaning the house or doing the dishes. Remember to keep up with those Kegel's ladies!

Most of us go from flat to round in many areas like the tummy and the butt. Everyone is different. It was around age 48 that I noticed that my dryer started shrinking all of my jeans. Since I re-injured my knee I am not really as active as I used to be. I still take walks, but exercises like aerobics and Zumba make my knee scream at me. I was told that I just needed some Yoga and Meditation.

Maybe it's just me, but it's almost like if you were wishing for a poo and all you can do is fart- ya know- one of those kinds of things!

I do wish I had paid more attention in school though because Sigmund Freud's law of gravity also applies to our breasts. I am learning that we can't defeat gravity as we watch our breasts transform from perky to sagging almost instantly, overnight. Ladies of all ages remember support is very important!  My mama was born in the 1940's, back when the ladies didn't wear bras when they were pregnant for fear a bra would restrict their milk coming in. So, when I was pregnant with my first child I thought my mama knew best. Oh no! She was so wrong. I am at an age where that ghost of many Christmases past came back to haunt me. I wish someone had told me differently! Ladies... keep those bras on I say!

We ladies love jewelry. Enjoy all your fancy pieces while you can. Treasure those days because the day will come when your favorite necklace will be replaced by a life alert necklace.

Embrace your inner goddess ladies otherwise you could easily become one of the ladies packing your bags and moving to Cougartown. When that doesn't work, they go on talk shows crying to Dr. Phil while the rest of us scream at the TV who knew that wouldn't happen! I say Look in the Mirror. Which is more beautiful? Your Inner Menopause Goddess or Batshit Crazy?

Now we all know that men too can also go through a period in their lives that is called a midlife crisis. I'm wondering, just who the heck decided to call it a crisis?

Why is it just a menopausal thing or The Change when it is referring to us ladies and it's a crisis when it involves the guys?

The word crises sound so traumatic, doesn't it? To me, a crisis is, for instance, the house is on fire. A crisis is when a bungee cord breaks, or you've fallen and you can't get up- stuff like that. I have never heard of the police having a mid-life crisis team in place. Why are we ladies expected to set back and suck it up, but let a guy see a gray or a wrinkle and suddenly... It becomes a crisis? Since males are supposed to be the stronger species they need to.... stop being such a drama king! 

©Gossip_Grl 

Life In The Middle Ages

This is a reposting of a 2013 post for the April A-Z Blog Challenge Life and Living in the Middle Ages. Life in the Middle Ages is kind of confusing if you ask me. 

For instance, retirement is still years away and most of us feel we will never get to enjoy retirement years;  yet we are old enough to know better. Don't you think it's a bit confusing?

Also Just when is a person too old to wear a Hooters T-Shirt or to get a tattoo?  Do we get too old to wear Levi's Jeans for Pete's sake?

I ask because my sister went out and bought me three pairs of jeans.... with elastic waistbands and several polyester pantsuits. Really!

Well, I'm not ready to give up my Levi's yet. She got upset when I told her to take them back. Apparently and according to her "they are more fitting for folks in my age group." I love my sis, but really! Why should it really bother anyone what I wear? Is there a group of conspirators that make up the wardrobe?

Another fact of life and living in the middle ages I've noticed is that suddenly we find that our brain to mouth feature slows down or gets broken completely. Stuff comes out before I have a split second to think; which almost caused quite a stir at the local 7-11 and upset my sister over apparel.

Sometime in the middle ages, wisdom comes. It happens out of the blue almost like one day you wake up with Wisdom. I'm not sure but it could be fueled by life experiences. Suddenly there are things you notice that make no sense like the day I read a story that  Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches are now being seen as racism!

Wait! Who has the time to think this shit crap up?

I love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I also enjoy eating the following peanut butter sandwiches: p/b with jalapenos, p/b with olives, p/b with pickles and one of my most favorites... peanut butter, Nutella, mayo and banana sandwiches.

I have never heard that I was racist while eating any of my sandwiches. Now... I have been told that I am a bit f^@$'d up for eating that crap. Peanut butter is the main staple in my house. I also carry a jar in my bag because no restaurant carries it as a table condiment and I love it on a lot of other things I eat. Is that confusing to you? You better watch out, confusion is one of the signs of aging!

These middle ages is also where I spend so much of my time trying to figure out how to bring sexy back if only I could remember where I put it in the first place. Of course, my hubby is always reassuring me, but is it really enough? For some reason, I now spend too much time worrying that every little quirk is a midlife crisis.

I never thought that the one sentence to the song, "Help me make it through the night" would actually be the words in my nightly prayer.

:©Gossip_Grl :

Kicking The Bucket List

No More!

This is a reposting of a 2013 April A-Z Blog Challenge post. I decided to blog about Kicking the Bucket Lists. I noticed that after the movie, The Bucket List came out in theaters everyone everywhere started doing their own bucket lists. I swear, for a while, I thought it was a requirement for A.A.R.P or something.

I don't know why. I guess because I kept reading so many lists that I just thought we all had to have one. My question is, Can this be used as a bargain should the grim reaper show up too early? Maybe I could say, "Wait I haven't finished my list yet" 

A few lists of books they want to read, but almost every one I read listed,  I want to travel through Europe which made me realize that I really, really need a vacation. Not a fancy one, just one that my kids cannot call me every 5 minutes asking when we are coming home.  No, seriously I have had my kids call me in the middle of the night. When I answer the phone they ask, "What you doing?" 
Hello... it's night time I was sleeping. I'm old now and that is what old people do at three in the morning....sleep. 

Then if that isn't bad enough they will say "I'll just call you back in the morning" 
Wait! What? Oh, hell no scooter you already woke me up and I have to pee now. 
If it was something important or an emergency that'd be something different, but we're not talking about that, oh no! Not my kids. They then say, "I just called to see what you were up to?"  
At 3 AM seriously? I doubt it. Then when I am riled up they have the nerve to get all mad at me because I am in a pissy mood. Does that make sense? It sure doesn't to me. OMG! Folks, I want a real Calgon vacation package! Getting away from my kids would be at the top of my list!

Other things I would include: 

• I want to go fishing without worrying that a snakehead fish will come out of the water and attack me. 
• I want to go camping without fear of a chupacabra attack. 
• I'd like to once have a regular family get together without worrying that because of their drunken redneck antics, we will all be featured on the nightly news. 

Then, of course, the smaller things like...

• After looking at my watch for the fifth time, I'd like to remember why I keep looking at it in the first place.
• I don't care what comes after blue-ray, I'm not upgrading anymore. 
• I want to answer the door carrying a Gin bottle filled with Sprite
• I want to walk up to someone in a fast food restaurant with a pad and pencil and ask them why they wanted fries with that
• While at the checkout line talk in the third person
• Set in traffic and drink blue Gatorade out of a Windex bottle
• Fill a mayonnaise jar with vanilla pudding and eat it just to see peoples reaction when I do.

I am all for kicking the bucket lists and in with discovering what the answer is to Victoria's Secret.

©Gossip_Grl : 

Junk In The Trunk and The Slow Metabolism

Reposted from the 2013 April A-Z Blogging Challenge My topic today is about the slowing metabolism or what I like to call, Junk In The Trunk. Whether or not we like it sooner or later it happens to all of us.

One day we are fit, active and thin and then wake up to what just happened to my figure? 

One crumb from our favorite dessert goes right to our derrière. In my twenties, thirties

Inside The Menopausal Mind

This is a Maxine pic

This is a repost of the post for an older April A-Z posting I did for the letter I.  I have chosen Inside the Menopausal Mind as my topic today. I noticed about the same time that my AARP card arrived in the mail that many changes take place inside our minds during menopause.

Yep folks! I am an official card carrying member of the AARP and somehow I feel as if I am stuck in the middle. You see, I am too young for all the senior benefits and retirement; yet old enough to know better. It sucks.

In years past I used to shop for purses and shoes; I now shop for Gold Bond Anti Itch cream. I used to love going shopping, now just the thought of it makes me want to take a nap.
Driving is the worst. I used to not care so much how people drove on the roadway, now it's crazy. Those cars that pass on the shoulder thinking they

A Trip Down Hormone Lane

Reposted from the 2013 April A-Z Blogging Challenge for the letter H and I've decided to take A Trip Down Hormone Lane. Along for the ride my new menopausal friends. Itchy Dry Skin, Hot

flashes, Bloated, Slow Metabolism, Sleepless Nights, Crazy Dreams, I Need A Nap and I can't forget Moody Patooty plus two Bitchy and Psycho.

Oh, they are all a lot of laughs to have around me, daily. It's hours of fun here at my house I tell you. I am actually thinking about claiming all of them on my taxes next year. If I am going to be supporting them and they don't have jobs I should be able to claim them right?

The trip on Hormone Lane is like a Pandora's Box as we travel to our first stop on the trip. It is The Follicle Stimulating Hormone Test. This is the test that

Dr Suess Advice on Aging

Dr. Seuss said it all with when he wrote this for all of us celebrating our Geritol Years...

pic credit: Shared to my Facebook

The Geritol Years

Today's post is about The Geritol Years. Geritol- remember that commercial?

My parents take Geritol and for some odd reason, I always thought because I was raised on the Lawrence Welk Show in our home, that it was somehow the vitamin of choice in the golden years; a given rite of passage. That was until my doctor put me on daily Prenatal Vitamins for these menopause years. Long story

The Midlife Crisis Checklist

pic was sent to my Facebook

Fear of The Fairy Yak Mother

Today's post is about my Fear of the Fairy Yak Mother. Just in case that word confuses you a little when I was first showing signs of perimenopause I read something about menopause and hormones and how women can develop hair on their face in their menopause years just like a man. Thank you, Redbook. This did nothing more than scare the crap out of me. From then on I have had a fear of being cursed by Mother Natures

The Empty Nest Is A Quiet Nest

pic credit: bluntcards.com

Today my post is about The Empty Nest. When you are finished reading I am hoping you will still want to come back to read the rest of my postings.

You see, The Empty Nest has sparked arguments and some controversy in my little circle of friends.

When my last little birdy left our nest a friend asked, "oh my what are you going to do now?"

 I said, "well for starters I'm changing all the locks on the doors!" She didn't talk to me for six months! I know some women have the opposite feeling

Doctors, Drug Companies and The Aging

pic from www.minniepauz.com

Today's topic is Docs, Drug Companies and the Aging. So, I am one of the folks who unfriended my doc on Facebook. On, no we just aren't close like that anymore. Maybe it is just me, but it feels like I somehow hit some magical age in the ozone and when I sought out a medical consult my doc no longer sees me as a live human person. He looks at me with the biggest brightest dollar signs in his eyes. I have heard caching after my name is called to go back to see the doc. Let me tell you that somewhere between the mid-forties to 50 and up should you seek a consult with your doc this will be the time when your doc will introduce you to his friends, pharma companies. Then one day you log into your email or onto Facebook and they all want to friend you. They suddenly become your next

Cyberchondria and Menopause

Today is the letter C. My word for today is cyberchondria and don't laugh when I tell you this, but this gets worse with aging. Some time around age forty five is the time that I first noticed some of the early signs which is called, peri-menopause. I started seeking out all of those sites like Web MD to enter all my symptoms in because I really didn't know it was that. I just knew something was terribly wrong, but couldn't figure it out. After clicking and entering all my

The Biological Clock

Today's post is about The Biological Clock. I have reached the age where friends say, "my biological clock is ticking" and have gotten upset when I say, Really, I don't hear anything.

I haven't even heard my own. I am about a day late and a dollar short on that. Friends tell me that my clock should be ticking as loud as Big Ben right now. Wait.... nope, nothing, no ticking.

A few made me feel that something was really wrong with me because my biological clock never