The Grandma Effect

Ladies... This Is The Grandma Effect

This is a posting of a series I am doing on the Divine Secrets of the Menopausal Sisterhood. I guess I should warn you now that this post is about boobies.

 If the word boobies will offend you, then I'll warn you now, you won't want to keep reading this posting. I'm sure that some all or even most of you will probably find something in this post that offends you anyway, but it has to be said.

If you are easily offended then you probably want to stop reading this now.

You probably read that title to this post and you are shaking your head or at the very least you are wondering, what in the heck is the Grandma Effect? Otherwise, you wouldn't want to keep reading. I will answer that question now, 

Just what is the grandma effect? 

The grandma effect is that moment at about age forty or forty-something or maybe older when you are standing naked at the mirror and you notice that your boobs have suddenly and without warning lost their youthfulness of yesteryear. 

The song "Memories"  is playing in the distant background. They have lost that proud gravity; their perkiness is gone- lost forever to the grandma effect. 

Ladies... Let's take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

Puberty/Young Teen Years To Young Adult:
Remember the booby fairy of your younger days? The teen years when in your early teen years surprises you one summer and you suddenly went from training bra to an A-cup and you celebrated young womanhood. Little by little through your teens and without warning at all the booby fairy came and you jumped to yet another cup size and you secretly celebrated each new cup size that she so granted you.

The Pregnancy Years:
That same booby fairy from puberty came back to visit during pregnancy when she raises the cup stakes once again and grants you a couple extra sizes you know, for the baby. Of course, that celebration is short-lived because in just a few months little junior arrives and unless you breastfeed you lose the extra cup sizes that you were granted. When she takes them away can easily lead you to postpartum depression.

The Breastfeeding Years:
The booby fairy tends to hang around a little longer when you breastfeed. I only breastfed mine for a few months. I quit the La Leche Club as soon as mine started teething. Those mothers who breastfeed their kids until they start school and older you ladies deserve a medal of some kind. That wasn't for me at all.

Have you ever watched a teething baby with a ring or a baby bottle? Yeah, then I shouldn't have to say no more. I called it quits. I know. Some would tell me that this damaged my child in some way but I heard somewhere that if we lose a body part we don't grow one back and I'm pretty sure nipples are included in that. I took my chances.

Our Mothers Advice:
I learned that the older mothers just didn't always offer up the best advice to their daughters. Take for instance the daughter who is pregnant and if your mother ever told you that wearing a bra while pregnant restricted the milk from coming in. No, no, no! That wasn't the best advice.

NOW yes that was the thinking back in the days of many of our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers. They didn't have the convenience we have today of special breastfeeding bras that are available today, so they went bra-less for the reason of not restricting their milk. After only one bra-less pregnancy, the damage is done. 

Even after all of this, the booby fairy only went into hibernation hiding and lurking until your menopause years. Then came this...

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Effect :
There is a great chance that a return of the booby fairy happened if you ate too much meat tainted with steroids and growth hormones and some if not all of us knows what that is, especially if you've had a daughter. Look at the boobs on the young girls today? Shoot you don't have to tell me. I had a daughter. My daughter was nine and had more boobs than me when I was nine. It was then that the hubby turned into "that father that no teen girl wants to have" and ready for the boys that started calling with a sign on the door read "No Warning Shots Will Be Fired" 

The meats we ate and especially chicken were loaded with steroids and growth hormones that tainted our food chain. The legs were as long as heron legs; thighs and breasts as big around as your calf and had what I call, The Arnold Schwarzenegger Effect. 

Sadly, folks, I hate to break this news to you but that was tainted meat. They thought the bigger the chicken the more they could charge per pound and they did, but I don't know if they considered the effect it would have on the people who ate it. The words, I'll be back still to haunt me today.

Maybe you are just a young girl currently celebrating your Au Naturale Liberty with no bra freedom. Hopefully, you haven't burned them yet because of this. Now I am not in anyway dissing the millennials and their bra theories, just take it from a baby boomer- Been there, Done that!

Ladies Ladies Ladies... This post is a warning. Take care of those Ta Ta's to avoid The Grandma Effect! That's what I say because when you head into the middle years and you know what years; late forties and beyond the booby fairy curses you with vengeance and in a way, you won't like. If you've reached those years, then you know already!

If you are young, believing that bras cause cancer so you've burned yours like your grandmothers and mothers protesting years ago and don't wear one- you will regret that one day. There is no proof that wearing a bra causes cancer nor not wearing one will protect you from getting cancer. The chances of you getting The Grandma Effect is much much greater than that. Don't believe me, look at your grandma and your great grandma.

According to the daytime shows Carrying your cell phone in your bra ups your chances greater than anything that you will get cancer. So if you are using your bra as a cell phone holder, stop that right now. Get those phones outta the bra. 

Your Later Years:
The Grandma Effect happens and that day comes when you look in the mirror and you notice that gravity has left your body and without a bra your boobs just hang there, drooping. Standing up they droop, lying on your back they seem to disappear on you drooping- often over to your armpit.

Depending on what the booby fairy endowed you with Girl get a mirror and look because they are in your armpit Trying to remember if there was a cream on the market that you neglected as part of your everyday beauty ritual.

Not wearing a bra while pregnant grants you immediate induction into The Grandma Effect Club that you will regret one day, I promise. I wished I hadn't taken that advice from my mama on this one. Oh, I know she meant well. Oh no. No one is going to take care of your ta-ta's but you ladies and that's a fact! Get them danged bras back on, ya hear now! 

The day will come when you too are begging for gravity to once again come back!

Image found @Google Images/Demotivational Posters

This post was also entered in the weekly link up I Hate Mondays sponsored by Elleroy Was Here

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