Fear of The Fairy Yak Mother

Today's post is about my Fear of the Fairy Yak Mother. Just in case that word confuses you a little when I was first showing signs of perimenopause I read something about menopause and hormones and how women can develop hair on their face in their menopause years just like a man. Thank you, Redbook. This did nothing more than scare the crap out of me. From then on I have had a fear of being cursed by Mother Natures
evil nemesis, The Fairy Yak Mother (you know Yak? As in the bearded animal) And I haven't picked up a Redbook Magazine since. 

Anyway, Of all the signs and symptoms out there for menopause, a particular one has kept me up awake at night and ready to fight many a night. She's a rather beastie one. The fear of whom else? The Fairy Yak Mother!  If I close my eyes and think back to when I was afraid of the monsters under the bed, I swear I think she was one of them. I just didn't know it then.

As I grew older and those childhood fears were the least of my worry, this particular monster didn't leave. Oh no, she stayed until the day when I awoke in my menopause years and she could come out and roar her ugly head. So... I have this fear of waking up not to the sandman dropping little bits of sleepy matter in my eyes, oh no! I fear waking up one morning with a 5 o'clock shadow!

Short of calling in a priest to do an exorcism, I burn scented candles full of Frankincense and Myrrh aromatherapy hoping it distracts her from picking me. See one particular day I was standing at the mirror weeping yet again because I was only like 45 or 47 and had a few gray hairs peeking through when I spotted... OMG is that crow's feet? Damn you Oil of O'lay. When out of the blue who should appear staring at me in the mirror.... Poof...

None other than... Mother Nature. Oh God, I cried! I thought she would be just like that little fairy Godmother from Tinkerbell. Not mine. She resembles Mimi from the Drew Carey Show. She says to me, "Oh my God shut up already. You have two grays and I wouldn't call that crows feet. Shut up and stop your crying, you could be standing there needing to shave that face." 

Oh, ladies, that day still haunts me and I haven't picked up another Ladies Home Journal or Redbook since reading that article on Aging.

This would also be the first of many mid-day crises and Mirror Mirror on the Wall that I have had. Now there is a reason why this would happen to us ladies, other than curses and stuff like that. Why oh why can't I just Alt-Ctrl-Del this part of life? Let me go back and make it up in summer school or something! I do have a few extra hours in the day to spare now! I have a posting coming in a few days that explains it a little more in detail, but today I needed an F word today and this fear of the Fairy Yak Mother was it!

Resources for this post:
pic credit: bluntcards.com and
MiMi From the Drew Carey Show.

This was a posting in the 2013 A-Z Blog Challenge

© 2013 Gossip_GrL